John Mulaney Quotes
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John Mulaney Quotes

John Mulaney is one of most popular stand-up comedians in America. Beside this, he works as actor, writer, and producer. If you haven’t seen Mulaney’s stand-up specials, please do so immediately. Mulaney worked behind the scenes on some of the most iconic sketches to date. Now, as a successful comedian, actor, and writer, the public gets to see his humour in all its glory. If you need to improve your day we suggest reading some of the best John Mulaney quotes below. His comedy will surely change your mood for the better and his talent is unparalleled. 

A comedian can change your day upside down. If you are going through some tough times in life then you can definitely watch John Mulaney’s work which will surely impress you and make you feel better for the best.

I am now using his jokes to respond to other people every day without any fail. And everything that comes out of his mount is like a quote. When you enter adulthood, things start to change. With all the responsibilities adults have, being able to cancel some of them is one of the best feelings in the world. Mulaney is able to express this feeling perfectly here in a perfect, slightly dramatic way.

Middle school is one of the worst times of life for many people. The hormones are raging and the kids around you are just mean. He has brought back the dramatic time of life with the hilarious jokes and quotes of his where he goes on to say that,”8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way”. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you.” Even adults are sometimes scared of how cruel and insightful middle schoolers can be.

Let’s see the fun John Mulaney Quotes that will make you day better:

  • The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
  • I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.
  • I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
  • Things don’t exist until they exist.
  • All my money is in a savings account. My dad tried to explain to me about the stock market like 75 times. I still don’t understand it.
  • Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
  • You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you just have to pick your side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
  • I’m a very straightforward person. But that’s fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you’re talking about everyone else.
  • My standup persona is like I’ll heighten things, but I’m observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.
  • 13 year olds are the meanest people in the world.
  • You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.
  • Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you are interesting.
  • You remember being 12 when you are like, ‘No one looks at me or I’ll kill myself’.
  • In terms of like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.
  • I just look worse; I am not older than I look.
  • College was a game show like a four year old would play, Do you hate me or Do I just need to go back to sleep.
  • “Irish people don’t want comfort. Look at a sweater made in Ireland. It’s like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.”
  • You know you can probably pour soup on my lap and I would apologise to you for that. This is my vibe.
  • I used to drink so much that I would black out in parties and then ruin them, that’s why I quit drinking.

Remember that life is a joke and it is really important to remember this. And that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but don’t think that comedy will change or should change and become political due to other things, this is not happening. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time. (John Mulaney quotes)

John Mulaney Quotes Out Of Context

John Mulaney Quotes Out Of Context

John Mulaney quotes out of content are some of the most hilarious sayings you will come across. While it is understood that his career as a comedian makes him automatically funny, he does a great job at it. In case you are having a dull day, consider going through John Mulaney memes, and jokes for a hearty laugh. You can never go wrong with his quotes. 

  • If something needs to have a point, that’s awesome but Things have to be funny first.
  • You can stay up all night and have junk food to eat all day and can do good work, but probably not in the long term.
  • “If it’s something very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.
  • I am not living minute to minute because I don’t make plans anymore.
  •  I tried to push off of the feet when I walked and I walked much faster but I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked
  • The worst job in the world is being a president.
  •  I’ll be drinking moon juice with President Johnathan Taylor Thomas by 2029.
  • Your opinion does not matter at all if you are a school student.
  • Can you imagine the kind of stress I am under with no money and I am very small.
  • You know what is a very old – fashioned sentence, I was once on the telephone with a blockbuster video.
  •  I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveler through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment, that is why I am a very lucky person.
  • I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t.”
  • Why do people shush animals? They just go ‘Shhh, hey, shhh.’ They’ve never spoken.”
  • Now there’s new Nazis. I don’t care for these new Nazis and you may quote me on that.”
  • It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.”
  • The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
  • I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interested.
  • Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers. (John Mulaney quotes)

John Mulaney Florida Quotes

John Mulaney Florida Quotes

This article brings to you some of John Mulaney Florida Quotes capturing most of John Mulaney jokes. He is one of the people whose dedication to making others happy is commendable. You can almost come across different types of jokes in John Mulaney quotes. He talks about his experiences in most cases but delivers the message in one of the most hilarious manners that it is impossible not to be cracked up. 

The following are a few of the best of John Mulaney quotes and jokes that will definitely make you laugh your heart out. 

  • I have found that people who really want to work at ‘Saturday Night Live’ and pursue it gets pretty close. You have to be funny – but everyone who works there; it was their dream to work there. So it’s kind of nice in that way – there’s a lot of people who say, ‘I just always wanted to do this, and now I’m doing it. 
  • I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don’t feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. 
  • We started chanting, McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s! And when we reached there my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and again we started cheering but then he just ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving and didn’t get anything for us.
  • I had a producer tell me I couldn’t use the word midget because it was ‘worse than the n-word.’ First off…no, it’s not. And if you won’t even sau one of the words, If you’re comparing the badness of two words, that’s the worst word. 
  • If someone had written a review saying, ”Oh, Hello’ is stupid,’ we would have said, ‘Yeah, it is. You’re absolutely right.’ That people liked it was extremely cool. 
  • When I’m walking down the street I don’t think anybody goes, ‘Hey look at that man’, they’re just like ‘Woah, that tall child looks terrible’. 
  • Now I get to say, ‘my wife’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say ‘my wife’. I’m looking forward to saying it a lot. ‘Get away from my wife!’ ‘No one talks to my wife!’ ‘I didn’t kill my wife!’
  • Girl Scout cookies are delicious! They come in Thin Mint and Samoa and also other flavours. How come I have to know a child in a beret to order them? Just sell me the cookies. I have American money. Just put them in a store and I’ll buy them
  • Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.
  • Sometimes Babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.
  • Some of the things I was anxious about as a kid do not bother me at all anymore. Like I always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem to me than it turned out to be.
  • It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything that is totally remarkable.
  • We have made these big piles of clothes, which go in these big boxes, the boxes go in the back of the car, and then they stayed there for four months. (John Mulaney Florida Quotes)
  • I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [Groans], you know, life.
  • I want to feed my birds and sit here forever.
  • Ah, I am too old to be a duckling.
  • I was waiting for him to be done so I could talk but he was just talking.
  • How can you clap for this, I have made the worst financial decision ever in my life and you are clapping on that.
  • Do you want a salad or fries? That’s like asking, ‘Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?
  • Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s — as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you hd a 99% chance of getting away with it.

John Mulaney quotes are some of the best for anyone looking to laugh his or her heart out. He has a way of playing around with words, and memories that you cannot help but laugh in amazement. He is definitely one of the best stand-up comedians that is worth your time. 

So these were some of the great John Mulaney quotes and some funny statements  that were hilarious and made me laugh a lot during this writing process. Life sucks and you have to be sane, so for being calm and relaxed have a look at these quotes and laugh loudly.  I hope that this made you also laugh a lot. Spread this with your families and make them also laugh.

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